Its a new year, and one of my "resolutions" is to try my hand at blogging again. Like, to seriously give it a fair shake. If its not for me, then so be it. I have a new-ish camera, and blogging is a perfect excuse for me to actually get the instructions out & find out what that bad boy can do. Now we'll see if my vintage computer can keep up :-)
A lot much has happened since I last blogged. I have so much to tell...
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Momma Rantings
Where does the responsibility end with motherhood? When your child turns 18? No? When he’s 21? No? When he’s finished with college (assuming he GOES to college, and furthermore, assuming he FINISHES college)? No? Once he has children of his own? Maybe? Probably not. Because perhaps your child that is having children is only a child herself.
I just get so weary of worrying, being responsible, holding myself accountable for being a good role model, and feeling like the only string holding my kids’ very unstable lives together. What they DO have going for them? I want them to keep it, and I feel like its my own personal duty to keep their lives intact. But when does that responsibility make the switch? One day, does the “child” just start taking over his own life and taking full responsibility for his own life?
I’ve spent the last 20+ years of my life training, teaching, molding, worrying, protecting, and just basic caring for my children. With little to no relief, nor appreciation. I mean, I’m sure that my kids appreciate me, but it’s a rare occasion for them to convey those feelings of gratitude. So mothering is a thankless and tireless job. I get that. But a job “ends” one day, right? You retire from your career one day, and you get to sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever it is that you want. Right? So, what about the career of “Motherhood”?
I realize that the “empty nest” syndrome comes with complicated emotions: sadness, emptiness, loneliness, and more. But what happens when they’ve left the nest, but still depend on their mom to solve their problems, or heap responsibility of bill paying, wake-up calls, etc. on their mother?
When the kids were younger, I would wake them each morning for school. I would help them get dressed, make sure their teeth & hair were brushed, and that they were fed. I made sure they either had lunch money or a bag with their lunch was in their backpack. I always checked the weather & made sure they were dressed appropriately. I even walked them to the bus stop, and waved good-bye. They were ready for the day. Now that they are older, I feel like I’m still hanging on some of those responsibilities and its taking a toll. Too many things to remember. Work schedules (including my own!), homework deadlines, doctor’s appointments, monthly expenses (and again, including my own, which can be very daunting), housework, and the list could go on & on.
I need to somehow learn to “let go” before my valve pops. But I can’t, I feel like I would be giving them up or something. I realize that is ridiculous. Grown children all over the world move on to be supportive, accountable, and contributing members of society. How can I make that happen for my kids? Maybe the problem lies in that very question… its not ME that should make it happen, its THEM. I guess the question should be more like, “How can I guide them into the direction of successful adulthood?” I thought that’s what I was doing all these years. Where did I go wrong?
Something unexpected happened. And unseen. I didn’t even notice it. I can’t put my finger on it, but on the road to adulthood, my kids lost their way.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Ice!
Ice is all over the news today. Skating down the front stoop isn’t as fun as it sounds. Neither is sliding down the driveway to grab the trash can, only to find that there is no way in hell you are going to be able to get it back up to the top of the driveway…
The forecasters said it, and here it is. Icy conditions. Wintry mix. And there is more to come. Fun. Today, I learned that I have “anti-lock” brakes. Initially, I thought my brakes went out, as they were making a crunching noise and there was some sort of flashing message on my dashboard. As I was sledding down the road between parked cars. No need to panic.
Oh yeah, and I need to remember to add “spiked shoes” to my next shopping list.
Monday, January 31, 2011
121 days
121 days.
Until I become a grandma. My own baby girl is going to be a mother.
I have very mixed emotions and opinions on the matter, but all those don’t matter so much, because the day is coming, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Just be supportive, without being enabling. Be positive, without giving false hope. Give tough love, yet make sure she knows I love her deeply.
In 121 days, I will meet another member of my family. A newborn baby boy. My grandson. An innocent child, waiting to be held, fed, taught, loved. He will depend on his mother for every last thing. And I’m not sure she can give that to him. I want to think she can. I want her to give him all that he needs. The truth is, she is only a child herself. She still has a lot to learn and a lot of growing up to do. Her brain is still developing. Her body isn’t finished growing yet. And yet, her belly swells with new life.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
10-5-10
Long time, no blog... I guess life gets in the way of things sometimes.
Spring and Summer have come & gone, we have jumped right into crisp & cool fall weather, too crisp & cool for my liking anyhow.
Last Saturday my daughter & I made a trip up to the pumpkin patch, along with several other family members, we visited a little, played around on all the activities, and brought home a few pumpkins too. This coming Saturday will be another nice visiting session with some old family friends... its been too long since we've all gotten together.
I hope my daughter will come with me to that too... we'll see. It will be boring for her, but everyone wants to see her.
Then by the end of the month I hope to make a long-overdue trip to Philly to see my oldest son, spend some time with him, and do some serious tourist-y things. Philly is a good place to do that. I think we'll also go to NYC for a day... my favorite place on this Earth. I am working on an itinerary... my son won't want to do all the things I want to do, but he'll be working some while I'm there, so hopefully I can get all the "boring" stuff out of the way while he works... haha
I've gotten quite a few sewing projects done, and even MORE started (but not done) over the spring/summer. In the living room, I have transformed the most ugly duckling sheer curtains and lacy drapes into a curtain for my sliding glass doors to the porch. I wanted something kinda sheer, so some light would come in, but not SO sheer that there is no privacy in the room. I think I got it just right. Although I wasn't thinking at first that I wanted such a "Victorian" look, that's not usually my style, it turned out pretty nice, I must say. I also touched up the smaller window treatments, mostly by cutting down on half their volume. They were just too heavy. I'm still not loving the fabric, but the curtains are very high quality, and everyone else seems to like them. AND, with the extra fabric I had from the original sliding glass door curtain and the extra from the smaller windows, I used part of that for a shade for the front door. I had a more "whimsical" looking one there for a while, but it didn't "go" with ANYthing in the living room, and seriously looked out of place. The one there now is a little more formal-looking, and looks like it belongs. I'm actually really proud of that shade... even tho, again, its not MY choice of fabric, but its what I have.
The "whimsical" shade that was on the front door originally? It got moved to the kitchen back door. Its more suitable for the kitchen, which is all full of light colors (actually mostly off-white, but the room is naturally more bright) and a lighter feel. And I have TWO windows in the kitchen, the bigger one had a curtain hanging that was a little too long, so I chopped off the bottom and made a valance for the smaller one. I didn't want a curtain covering the smaller one, so a valance was a perfect fit, to tie the windows together, again, like a designer swooped in and did it themselves.... haha
I'm still working on a chest/sitting thing for the living room, I'm going to cover it with the horrible fabric that I have on the small windows and door shade. But I have a TON of that stuff, and I may as well use it. The chest/sitting thing is from my grandma's bedroom... right this minute, its covered in some VERY DIRTY white & red quilted satin-y fabric, and looks just awful. I need to tear that yucky horrible red flowery stuff off right this minute, but I'm guessing the padding on the top needs replacing and I haven't gotten a piece of foam that size yet. Honestly, I haven't measured for what size I need the foam piece, but when I get around to that, I have a sewing machine and a staple gun, ready to go.
SPEAKING OF SEWING MACHINE, I made up a little area in the basement... my sewing room. Complete with my sewing machine (duh), a table and desk that I found both on craigslist, I covered the poor excuse for a "countertop" with some fabric and about 3 jars of Mod Podge, put some more lighting down there, a radio, and most of my fabrics and sewing & crafting supplies. Its almost perfect... I think I will have to rearrange the furniture again. And I'm looking for a large piece of carpet or rug (terribly affordable) to put on the floor... its friggin hard and cold on the feet in the basement. Hopefully if we ever get a terrible rain, the place won't flood on me. And I'm not convinced that the wiring is all that safe... but I have everything plugged into a surge bar, and I just flip off the power to the entire room when I leave.
I'm also working on (more like just now starting on) curtains for my bedroom. This, honestly, is going to be a chore. I have the design idea in my head, I know exactly what I want them to look like, its just measuring (done), cutting (some done), sewing all the correct pieces together, and hoping it turns out OK that I'm worried about. I have a few fabrics to use... I bought a bolt of muslin for the bulk of the curtains (there will be FOUR in total), but the top panels, tabs, and floral cut outs to applique on the muslin are all from old tablecloths from Grandma's house. The curtains will go to the floor, but I will have to use the tablecloths SPARINGLY, with no waste, to pull this one off. It will be close. It will be beautiful, if what is in my head turns out how I want.
I'm also working on a simple quilt... I have the top sewn together, just need to do the "sandwich", then quilting and binding. It was made with a bunch (I think there are 20) of fat quarter squares, then white muslin sashing in between, for a summery look. The batting I got for it is pretty lightweight, so it will be nice for spring, and it looks like it won't be done before that anyway...
My dining room I had some very high hopes for, but sadly, I have not touched it. I was very lucky to have some awesome blinds in the windows in there, but the padded square fabric covered thing across the top of the 3-window area isn't my favorite design. Its probably going to stay exactly as it is... I just don't have the time. And everyone that comes over says how lovely it is... so there ya go, why fix something when its not broke? Hmmm... where have I heard that before? I did also want to get some shelving of some sort up on the wall above the computer & printer, as the area gets all cluttered and ugly with junk. So I feel like if I had somewhere to PUT the phone, somewhere to PUT the box of tissues, etc., then it wouldn't feel like things were weighing the area down.
I also made some quickie pillowcases and pillows for my bed. They are kinda fancy, I think the fabric is sari fabric, very luxurious feeling. They almost always end up on the floor by morning. I think I have too many pillows, and since those are the "slippery" ones, they get knocked onto the floor first...
That's enough of obsessing over unfinished projects for today... I'm already nursing a bad case of the hives and I don't want to stress over something new!
In the meantime, I will try & get some pics posted in the next few days of my finished projects, and maybe even my unfinished ones... that might put a flame under my butt to get moving on them! haha
Spring and Summer have come & gone, we have jumped right into crisp & cool fall weather, too crisp & cool for my liking anyhow.
Last Saturday my daughter & I made a trip up to the pumpkin patch, along with several other family members, we visited a little, played around on all the activities, and brought home a few pumpkins too. This coming Saturday will be another nice visiting session with some old family friends... its been too long since we've all gotten together.
I hope my daughter will come with me to that too... we'll see. It will be boring for her, but everyone wants to see her.
Then by the end of the month I hope to make a long-overdue trip to Philly to see my oldest son, spend some time with him, and do some serious tourist-y things. Philly is a good place to do that. I think we'll also go to NYC for a day... my favorite place on this Earth. I am working on an itinerary... my son won't want to do all the things I want to do, but he'll be working some while I'm there, so hopefully I can get all the "boring" stuff out of the way while he works... haha
I've gotten quite a few sewing projects done, and even MORE started (but not done) over the spring/summer. In the living room, I have transformed the most ugly duckling sheer curtains and lacy drapes into a curtain for my sliding glass doors to the porch. I wanted something kinda sheer, so some light would come in, but not SO sheer that there is no privacy in the room. I think I got it just right. Although I wasn't thinking at first that I wanted such a "Victorian" look, that's not usually my style, it turned out pretty nice, I must say. I also touched up the smaller window treatments, mostly by cutting down on half their volume. They were just too heavy. I'm still not loving the fabric, but the curtains are very high quality, and everyone else seems to like them. AND, with the extra fabric I had from the original sliding glass door curtain and the extra from the smaller windows, I used part of that for a shade for the front door. I had a more "whimsical" looking one there for a while, but it didn't "go" with ANYthing in the living room, and seriously looked out of place. The one there now is a little more formal-looking, and looks like it belongs. I'm actually really proud of that shade... even tho, again, its not MY choice of fabric, but its what I have.
The "whimsical" shade that was on the front door originally? It got moved to the kitchen back door. Its more suitable for the kitchen, which is all full of light colors (actually mostly off-white, but the room is naturally more bright) and a lighter feel. And I have TWO windows in the kitchen, the bigger one had a curtain hanging that was a little too long, so I chopped off the bottom and made a valance for the smaller one. I didn't want a curtain covering the smaller one, so a valance was a perfect fit, to tie the windows together, again, like a designer swooped in and did it themselves.... haha
I'm still working on a chest/sitting thing for the living room, I'm going to cover it with the horrible fabric that I have on the small windows and door shade. But I have a TON of that stuff, and I may as well use it. The chest/sitting thing is from my grandma's bedroom... right this minute, its covered in some VERY DIRTY white & red quilted satin-y fabric, and looks just awful. I need to tear that yucky horrible red flowery stuff off right this minute, but I'm guessing the padding on the top needs replacing and I haven't gotten a piece of foam that size yet. Honestly, I haven't measured for what size I need the foam piece, but when I get around to that, I have a sewing machine and a staple gun, ready to go.
SPEAKING OF SEWING MACHINE, I made up a little area in the basement... my sewing room. Complete with my sewing machine (duh), a table and desk that I found both on craigslist, I covered the poor excuse for a "countertop" with some fabric and about 3 jars of Mod Podge, put some more lighting down there, a radio, and most of my fabrics and sewing & crafting supplies. Its almost perfect... I think I will have to rearrange the furniture again. And I'm looking for a large piece of carpet or rug (terribly affordable) to put on the floor... its friggin hard and cold on the feet in the basement. Hopefully if we ever get a terrible rain, the place won't flood on me. And I'm not convinced that the wiring is all that safe... but I have everything plugged into a surge bar, and I just flip off the power to the entire room when I leave.
I'm also working on (more like just now starting on) curtains for my bedroom. This, honestly, is going to be a chore. I have the design idea in my head, I know exactly what I want them to look like, its just measuring (done), cutting (some done), sewing all the correct pieces together, and hoping it turns out OK that I'm worried about. I have a few fabrics to use... I bought a bolt of muslin for the bulk of the curtains (there will be FOUR in total), but the top panels, tabs, and floral cut outs to applique on the muslin are all from old tablecloths from Grandma's house. The curtains will go to the floor, but I will have to use the tablecloths SPARINGLY, with no waste, to pull this one off. It will be close. It will be beautiful, if what is in my head turns out how I want.
I'm also working on a simple quilt... I have the top sewn together, just need to do the "sandwich", then quilting and binding. It was made with a bunch (I think there are 20) of fat quarter squares, then white muslin sashing in between, for a summery look. The batting I got for it is pretty lightweight, so it will be nice for spring, and it looks like it won't be done before that anyway...
My dining room I had some very high hopes for, but sadly, I have not touched it. I was very lucky to have some awesome blinds in the windows in there, but the padded square fabric covered thing across the top of the 3-window area isn't my favorite design. Its probably going to stay exactly as it is... I just don't have the time. And everyone that comes over says how lovely it is... so there ya go, why fix something when its not broke? Hmmm... where have I heard that before? I did also want to get some shelving of some sort up on the wall above the computer & printer, as the area gets all cluttered and ugly with junk. So I feel like if I had somewhere to PUT the phone, somewhere to PUT the box of tissues, etc., then it wouldn't feel like things were weighing the area down.
I also made some quickie pillowcases and pillows for my bed. They are kinda fancy, I think the fabric is sari fabric, very luxurious feeling. They almost always end up on the floor by morning. I think I have too many pillows, and since those are the "slippery" ones, they get knocked onto the floor first...
That's enough of obsessing over unfinished projects for today... I'm already nursing a bad case of the hives and I don't want to stress over something new!
In the meantime, I will try & get some pics posted in the next few days of my finished projects, and maybe even my unfinished ones... that might put a flame under my butt to get moving on them! haha
Thursday, February 25, 2010
2-25-10
OK, I have just bought the TWO most awesome-est books EVER (just today they arrived), and between the 2 of them, I don't know which projects to start on first! Holy cow, am I ever itchin to get to the fabric store, and like, RIGHT NOW! I have sooooooooo many projects to get done here at home first (read: curtains), but I am just ACHING for a new skirt, maybe that will hurry Spring along? and this new book of quilts is just fantastic, I want to get moving on another right away...
Oh, the horror. And the worst part of it is, that I really SHOULD get along on more curtains for the living room to go with the one I made for the front door. That room just looks horrid now. Maybe a trip to the fabric store for some inspiration is in order after all. I do love me a good look-see through the clearance bins! :-) Who knows? Maybe I'll find a good curtain bargain fabric, and something just so springy-fabulous it can't stay at the store any longer will just FALL into my cart? It could happen...
and the books, by the way? sew what! Skirts by Francesca Denhartog & Carole Ann Camp. I haven't actually MADE a skirt yet with their guidance, but I have practically read the whole book front to back, and will be reporting on a project from the book soon (hopefully sooner than later!). And the other book is Material Obession - Modern Quilts with Traditional Roots by Kathy Doughty and Sarah Fielke. I just LOVE the pictures and colors in this book, and so far, I've already gotten a BRAINSTORM of a marvelous idea for some half-made and mostly-cut-out flower-y squares. Yay!
Perhaps if I find a good fabric to finish up my "big" curtain, and get that done & out of the way, I can "reward" myself with a spring-y skirt-making session! Sounds glorious! Now, if only Spring would actually GET here. This snowy stuff better knock it off, real quick.
In my "real" life? Let's see... work is kicking my butt, I'm missing Ian more & more every day, sometimes almost to the point of tears... I just want him to come home for a visit, and of course I worry CONSTANTLY about the other 2 for one reason or another. Brenna with her grades and Robin with his constant avoidance of anything important whatsoever. And, ya know, there's always my constant stream of worry about money, bills, etc.
Stuff with the foreclosure isn't moving along as I would like it to. I can't get any information from anyone, and practically anytime I try to call about it, "the office is now closed", which means I have to call while I am at work, and that's not really what my boss is paying me for, plus, I get NO privacy whatsoever there, unless I want to get on my cell phone and go outside in the frigid cold and deep snow and try to carry on a conversation, oh yeah, and I need account numbers with me and 5 jillion other bits of information, which really isn't conducive to being outside in the freezing snow trying to get privacy... oh yes, and we know I can't count on Mr. Wonderful to make any calls or take responsibility for any of that stuff... grrr. Enough about that.
Pepper is getting used to the new digs, actually, she isn't all freaky-like, as she was when we first moved here. I haven't had to "drug" her at night so she will sleep for a long time. That was only the first couple of weeks. Oh my gosh I thought I might never get any rest. Thank god for the wise advice of the vet! And I think she is really enjoying her new very big backyard. The doggie on the other side of the duplex is kinda terrified of her, and rightly so, as Pepper just is always trying to hump him, and he is about half her size. She is going to squish the poor little guy. I really have to watch her if they are both outside at the same time, she is trying to "dominate", which is NOT good. I don't like that kind of behavior, its just not good manners. Ha! Well, I'm off to dream about floral, polkadots, stripes & plaids! Sewing is good therapy. Spring & Summer will bring some gardening therapy, so I can switch things up a little. Still waiting for Spring...
Oh, the horror. And the worst part of it is, that I really SHOULD get along on more curtains for the living room to go with the one I made for the front door. That room just looks horrid now. Maybe a trip to the fabric store for some inspiration is in order after all. I do love me a good look-see through the clearance bins! :-) Who knows? Maybe I'll find a good curtain bargain fabric, and something just so springy-fabulous it can't stay at the store any longer will just FALL into my cart? It could happen...
and the books, by the way? sew what! Skirts by Francesca Denhartog & Carole Ann Camp. I haven't actually MADE a skirt yet with their guidance, but I have practically read the whole book front to back, and will be reporting on a project from the book soon (hopefully sooner than later!). And the other book is Material Obession - Modern Quilts with Traditional Roots by Kathy Doughty and Sarah Fielke. I just LOVE the pictures and colors in this book, and so far, I've already gotten a BRAINSTORM of a marvelous idea for some half-made and mostly-cut-out flower-y squares. Yay!
Perhaps if I find a good fabric to finish up my "big" curtain, and get that done & out of the way, I can "reward" myself with a spring-y skirt-making session! Sounds glorious! Now, if only Spring would actually GET here. This snowy stuff better knock it off, real quick.
In my "real" life? Let's see... work is kicking my butt, I'm missing Ian more & more every day, sometimes almost to the point of tears... I just want him to come home for a visit, and of course I worry CONSTANTLY about the other 2 for one reason or another. Brenna with her grades and Robin with his constant avoidance of anything important whatsoever. And, ya know, there's always my constant stream of worry about money, bills, etc.
Stuff with the foreclosure isn't moving along as I would like it to. I can't get any information from anyone, and practically anytime I try to call about it, "the office is now closed", which means I have to call while I am at work, and that's not really what my boss is paying me for, plus, I get NO privacy whatsoever there, unless I want to get on my cell phone and go outside in the frigid cold and deep snow and try to carry on a conversation, oh yeah, and I need account numbers with me and 5 jillion other bits of information, which really isn't conducive to being outside in the freezing snow trying to get privacy... oh yes, and we know I can't count on Mr. Wonderful to make any calls or take responsibility for any of that stuff... grrr. Enough about that.
Pepper is getting used to the new digs, actually, she isn't all freaky-like, as she was when we first moved here. I haven't had to "drug" her at night so she will sleep for a long time. That was only the first couple of weeks. Oh my gosh I thought I might never get any rest. Thank god for the wise advice of the vet! And I think she is really enjoying her new very big backyard. The doggie on the other side of the duplex is kinda terrified of her, and rightly so, as Pepper just is always trying to hump him, and he is about half her size. She is going to squish the poor little guy. I really have to watch her if they are both outside at the same time, she is trying to "dominate", which is NOT good. I don't like that kind of behavior, its just not good manners. Ha! Well, I'm off to dream about floral, polkadots, stripes & plaids! Sewing is good therapy. Spring & Summer will bring some gardening therapy, so I can switch things up a little. Still waiting for Spring...
Friday, February 19, 2010
2-19-10
OHmygosh I haven't posted my front door window blind yet. I have it finished (almost, just need to get a new actual curtain ROD that doesn't look horrid) and its up on the door. I just need to get my pics downloaded and posted. Geesh, life sure gets in the way of things, eh?
Grandpa is sick. Like, REAL sick. This has been a long time coming, but it looks like things may not turn around for him this time. I don't know if the human body is capable of holding together much longer than 97 years, but who knows.
Enough on that for now. I will get pics published here soon of the window treatment. Already working on the curtain for the sliding glass door, and have many MANY ideas on more curtain-y projects! Too many ideas, not enough time! Yikes!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)