Where does the responsibility end with motherhood? When your child turns 18? No? When he’s 21? No? When he’s finished with college (assuming he GOES to college, and furthermore, assuming he FINISHES college)? No? Once he has children of his own? Maybe? Probably not. Because perhaps your child that is having children is only a child herself.
I just get so weary of worrying, being responsible, holding myself accountable for being a good role model, and feeling like the only string holding my kids’ very unstable lives together. What they DO have going for them? I want them to keep it, and I feel like its my own personal duty to keep their lives intact. But when does that responsibility make the switch? One day, does the “child” just start taking over his own life and taking full responsibility for his own life?
I’ve spent the last 20+ years of my life training, teaching, molding, worrying, protecting, and just basic caring for my children. With little to no relief, nor appreciation. I mean, I’m sure that my kids appreciate me, but it’s a rare occasion for them to convey those feelings of gratitude. So mothering is a thankless and tireless job. I get that. But a job “ends” one day, right? You retire from your career one day, and you get to sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever it is that you want. Right? So, what about the career of “Motherhood”?
I realize that the “empty nest” syndrome comes with complicated emotions: sadness, emptiness, loneliness, and more. But what happens when they’ve left the nest, but still depend on their mom to solve their problems, or heap responsibility of bill paying, wake-up calls, etc. on their mother?
When the kids were younger, I would wake them each morning for school. I would help them get dressed, make sure their teeth & hair were brushed, and that they were fed. I made sure they either had lunch money or a bag with their lunch was in their backpack. I always checked the weather & made sure they were dressed appropriately. I even walked them to the bus stop, and waved good-bye. They were ready for the day. Now that they are older, I feel like I’m still hanging on some of those responsibilities and its taking a toll. Too many things to remember. Work schedules (including my own!), homework deadlines, doctor’s appointments, monthly expenses (and again, including my own, which can be very daunting), housework, and the list could go on & on.
I need to somehow learn to “let go” before my valve pops. But I can’t, I feel like I would be giving them up or something. I realize that is ridiculous. Grown children all over the world move on to be supportive, accountable, and contributing members of society. How can I make that happen for my kids? Maybe the problem lies in that very question… its not ME that should make it happen, its THEM. I guess the question should be more like, “How can I guide them into the direction of successful adulthood?” I thought that’s what I was doing all these years. Where did I go wrong?
Something unexpected happened. And unseen. I didn’t even notice it. I can’t put my finger on it, but on the road to adulthood, my kids lost their way.
