4-18-09

Love is in the air.  Weddings are a funny thing.  Even the people who find it necessary to NOT follow the "norm", still do just that very thing.  They follow a set of guidlines, maybe those guidelines are interpreted differently, but they still conform.  Because they are in love.  Because they want to share that love with their best friends and family.  Because they are best friends, soulmates, incomplete without each other.  

I wonder when it all changes.  I mean, with some people, that "wedding day feeling" doesn't go away.  And that's great for them.  I thought that is what I had.  Actually, I never thought that's what I had, but I wouldn't have admitted it.

Weddings spark a funny feeling in me... not funny as in "ha ha!", but funny as uncomfortabe, unfamiliar, and even sad, remorseful.  I'm so happy for the blissful couple, but at the same time, I can see myself in them, about 23 years ago, so full of joy and hope for the future.  Now that is all a lifetime ago, and I wonder (worry) about what the future holds for me.  My kids are growing up, and I feel utterly alone.  I kind of like that "alone" feeling, but it also kind of horrifies me.  

Weddings are really special.  But they sure stir up all these contradictory feelings.

Supper is in the oven and the kids are cranky.  The older one has a head cold.  I think he's had about 4 of those in the past month.  The younger one has cabin fever and wants me to drive her to the movie theater so she can drool on herself while watching Zach Somebody Wanna-be-Thespian in an overpriced Warner Bros production.  Those kids need to find an income.  I knew for sure that there is a God in heaven when she announced that I do not have to attend with her, as I did the Hannah Montana movie last week... I would rather peel my fingernails off backwards than go through that again.  Actually, I must say, the movie itself wasn't HORRIBLE, but its the "crowd" that I can't take.  I should have brought my MP3 player...

Friday 4-17-09: 

Its absolutely gorgeous outside.  Of course I am trapped inside my office wearing enough layers to keep me warm on a hike through Alaska in January.  THANK GOD this is the last day of spring break for the kids.  They keep wandering the streets while I'm away and its only by God's Sweet Mercy that they haven't gotten themselves arrested.  Well, and there was all that rain, so that thankfully kept them close to home.  It has also sent me to the grocery store TWICE this week already.  Those kids of mine (and all their flunky fledglings) sure can eat.  Today, its nice out, and and I can only hope and pray they are not knocking little old ladies down with their skateboards for some Chipotle money...

Miss Pepper (my 7-year-old Pointer) has been LOVING all the attention.  Of course not from MY kids, but from all the little leeches that come by while I'm not home.  She is in for a rude awakening next week when no one is there to let her in & out every 10 minutes, and feed her bits of hot dog at her every whim.