5-13-09

Well, getting a 4-bedroom house ready for a move into a 2-bedroom apartment is not an easy task.  I am getting rid of literally HALF of my things.  Half of my dishes, pots & pans, and kitchen gadgets.  Half of my clothes, shoes and purses.  Half of my furniture.  Half of my knick-knacks and decorative items (which I don't have alot of anyway, because I cannot stand a cluttered coffee table), EVERYTHING GOES from the garage and basement.  The kids are starting to worry thinking their stuff is on the chopping block, and they are right in that assumption.  I'm putting that off until the last possible moment.  I have a short-sale realtor coming in a few days to talk business...

And my ex?  He just bought a $500 road bike.  Last month he bought new golf clubs.  Because the ones he purchased 2 years ago must have worn out or something.  Earlier this week he took his girlfriend "out on a date" because he hasn't had any "quality time with her, in like, forever!".  This was his reasoning for skipping out on "Daddy Night" with the kids.  The kids aren't stupid, and they know who is #1, and who isn't.  I asked for some grocery money, and he said his bank account was empty.  So I guess he found 500 bucks lying in the street yesterday and forgot that I needed groceries and remembered that he might want a new bicycle.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?  I realize this is the man I chose to have children with.  This is the man I spent the better part of my life with, ALL of my adult life, and really?  Looking back?  I see that nothing has changed... nothing except my eyes opening for the first time in my life.  I'M the one who has changed.  I kinda dig it, too.  I'm not feeling guilty because I might have bruised his delicate feelings because I want him to look after the kids when I go to the grocery store.  I can actually cook foods with onions in them now!  Yippee!  I can actually COOK FOODS without anyone telling me how I should have done it differently. I can sort laundry without criticism.  I will NOT be made to feel a second class citizen anymore.  I do NOT choose him any longer.  I choose LIFE.

And, I sure do like having the WHOLE BED to myself.  I know that sounds shallow, but that's me.  I love having the bed, the whole thing, all for ME.  No elbows in the head, no searching for covers that happen to be wrapped tightly around my significant other, and no more hot breath on the back of my neck.  Unless, of course the dog somehow got into my bed...

Today is a new beginning.  For each trash bag I fill with unneeded, unwanted, or unusable items, I shall remember that wherever I may go in life from now on, its all mine.  Life really IS good, and no one is going to be there to bring me down and tell me that I shouldn't have cooked the chicken so long.